Confidence

Good Morning,

Most I my life I have always bee terrified of other people (the
reasons are many and could take up a book). I knew the effects this
was having on my life and my first attempts at getting help resulted
in me being on medication that robbed me of attention and focus. To
say the treatment wasn't exactly on track is an understatement. These
days I travel and get involved with speaking to groups quite often.
Many ask how I overcame my fears and flipped my situation around. The
answer is quite simple. . . I had to get to know my fears.

Often we see people and do not see ourselves as being the same. We
fear judgement, humiliation or rejection. The funny thing about those
feelings is that everyone else experiences them too. When I stopped
listening to myself and began listening to others I saw that all of
us have endured our own fears or overcome incredible difficulties. I
started to realize their was no "them" that we are all basically
going through the same experiences in life, and we each in our own
way are making the best efforts to go on with life. I realized that
fearing others was like being afraid of myself.

Throughout this simple act of awareness I found a way to work through
my immediate negative reactions, which are fear based. Instead of
being critical or judgmental, I became inquisitive about others and
learned to take delight in them. Delight comes when we replace
criticism and fear of others with openness and genuine curiosity. The
first response to others is to usually play it safe and wait until
general trustworthiness is proven, but in doing so we miss the
opportunity to see the person right in front of you, even your
friends and family. If you wait until you feel safe, you've waited to
long, because it's the holding back that creates the fear and not the
other way around.

With this knowledge comes genuine confidence and a chance to be who
you really are. . .all of the time. If you are thinking that
confidence means always feeling certain of your self then you are
misleading yourself. Confidence is the willingness to be as
ridiculous, luminous, intelligent, or silly as you really are without
embarrassment. This type of confidence encompasses everything in your
life. Confidence requires understanding there is no certainty in life
whatsoever. Want to see if this is true (and you should) go fall in
love. The more we love, the more we feel as though we have something
to lose. This leads us to dig and dig to find a safeguard against
losing what is most dear to us, but the reality is there is nothing
we can do, but love anyway. The more we love, the more we are
reminded that everything we touch is impossible to hold on to. This
openness to give ourselves to love is the thing that breaks down
certainty and shows us that confidence is simply the ability to move
forward, to love, to live and to let our hearts be broken.

I still get uncomfortable before speaking engagements, I still walk
in front of hundreds of people and feel my breathe taken away. There
are even days when I wonder what I have committed to and feel as
though I just want it to all go away. But then I remind myself that
in order to meet my own life, I can not approach the world with
defensive strategies. Instead I need a willingness to let people and
life touch me completely, to hold sweetness, sorrow, joy and terror
equally and fully.

There are no safeguards in life, we cannot hold onto everything. We
can however understand that whether the world is friendly or
inhospitable, smooth or rocky, we can live with it and in it
wholeheartedly.

Have a beautiful day and carry this thought - You are the only
person on earth who can use your ability.

Peace and Love, Jim