Humorous Thoughts

Good Morning,

I thought I would end the week with a bit of humor. So today I have
compiled a list of quotes, one liners, and musings I have collected
from friends and family. Read them with a light heart and ginger
mind, hopefully a smile will find it's way into your day. Enjoy!
I am a creationist; I refuse to believe that I could have evolved
from humans.

Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at
once.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

No one is listening until you fart.

Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
car payments.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have
their shoes.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old.
All you have to do is live long enough.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the
set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and
anyone going faster than you is a maniac.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's
too dark to read.

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation
with the average voter.

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time
we have rushed through life trying to save.

Peace and Love, Jim