Happiness Myths

Good morning, may this email find you with the strength and knowledge
to explore and understand your happiness. :)

Everyday--in our own ways--we all seem on a quest to lead happier
lives. But what does happiness mean? How much happiness is enough? Is
happiness the ultimate goal?

People have always experienced unhappiness and they've always thought
they knew why: They weren't getting what they wanted. Now, for the
very first time in human history, a sizable portion of the people on
our planet have just about everything a person could ask for—food,
shelter, security, and so on. And guess what? In the land of plenty,
plenty of people are unhappy and are starting to wonder why.

In the spirit of my favorite TV show, Mythbusters I have assembled a
little research to dispel a few happiness myths. I will leave it to
you to decide if the outcomes are busted, plausible or confirmed!

Myth #1
Gratitude and service to others are basic components to happiness.

It is hard to say just how important these things are in an absolute
sense. It is known that they are more important than most people
realize. Research has demonstrated that people overestimate the
pleasure of selfish choices (e.g., winning a prize) and underestimate
the pleasure of altruistic choices (donating the prize to a good
cause). Eighteen month old children will spontaneously help someone
who is trying to retrieve a pencil or balance some books, and they
will comfort someone who appears to be in distress. If helping is a
basic impulse, then it makes sense that people feel happy when it
(like all basic impulses) is gratified.

Myth #2.
There is no danger in WANTING to be happy all the time?

There is a word for animals that never feel distress, anxiety, fear,
or pain: The word is extinct. Our brains are designed to monitor the
environment and shift us from happiness to unhappiness as the state
of the environment changes. We are supposed to feel worried about our
kids and jealous about our spouses, but we are supposed to understand
the nature of these emotions and what causes them. Because happiness
is a noun we mistakenly think it is something we can acquire and
keep. People think that if they aren't happy all the time then they
are doing something wrong. The only thing they are doing wrong is
having unrealistic expectations about happiness.

Myth #3
You can never know when you're happy enough?

How about when you aren't asking that question?

Myth #4
Something will make me happy

There is no doubt that people can take steps to increase their
happiness. The question is: By how much and for how long? One of the
most surprising and well-replicated findings in happiness research is
that changes in circumstance produce only very small and short-lived
changes in happiness. We think that winning the lottery, getting
promoted, and buying a bigger house will make us happier—and they do.
For about ten seconds. Then we go back to being about as happy as we
were before.

Myth #5
There are connections between love and happiness, Our jobs and
happiness, and Physical exercise and happiness

All excellent. Check, check, check. But of the three, research shows
love matters most. The number and quality of human relationships is
one the best predictors of a person's happiness. People were asked
whether they'd rather lose their best friend or go blind, and most
chose to lose their best friend. These folks were later discovered to
be more depressed. Blind people on the other hand have a higher
quotient for happiness than sighted people. Finally people without
friends are miserable.

Myth #6
We are as happy as we make up our minds to be.

Presidents have been saying silly things for a very long time. If you
could just make up their minds to be happy then Lincoln wouldn't have
been depressed, would he? Depression is an illness, not a decision.
With that said, you can easily do things to change your momentary
happiness (what other kind is there?). Next time you are at
Starbucks, pay for the person in back of you and see what happens.

I am always surprised by the power of human resilience. We are not a race
of people as fragile as flowers who need therapy whenever their
shoelaces come untied. Data shows that people can suffer almost any
kind of trauma or tragedy and ultimately return to (or close to)
their original levels of happiness—often with no professional help at
all. We are a remarkably hearty species that have been given the
incredible gift of insight and understanding. And with this we always
seem to manage to accomplish the impossible.

Peace and Love, Jim