Chickens, Roads and Philosophy

Good Morning,

I wanted to end the week with a little humor. I am sure most of you have heard the chicken crossed the road jokes. Here is a version with a little philosophical twist. Have a great weekend!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Heisenberg:
Because the chicken is moving very fast, you can either observe the chicken or you can measure the chicken, but you cannot do both.

Xeno:
The chicken can never reach the other side because there are an infinitessimal number of segments between him and the other side.

Einstein:
It depends on the chicken's frame of reference as to whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken. Nietzche:
If the chicken gazes too long across the road, the road will also gaze into the chicken.

Newton:
Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

Timothy Leary:
Because it was the only trip the establishment would let it take.

Plato:
The ideal chicken must ideally cross the ideal road. Therefore, imperfect chickens in this world cross imperfect roads, imperfectly.

Karl Marx:
She was driven by the lash of economic necessity.

Aristotle:
It is the essence of chickens to cross the road.

Lao Tse:
Those who cluck do not know. Those who know do not cluck.

Capt. Jean Luc Picard:
To see what's out there.

Col. Oliver North:
It was a national security matter.

Sigmund Freud:
The telephone pole suggested a phallic symbol and like all female creatures she wanted to be dominated.

Jacques Derrida:
The question admits of limitless answers, since there is no one logo-centric strategy of discourse that takes primacy over all others.

Oscar Wilde:
This chicken problem has many depths, but all of them are equally shallow.

Vito Corleone:
We made her an offer she couldn't refuse.

Jean Paul Sartre:
To impose a meaning upon her accidental existence.

T.S.Eliot:
To leave the place she knew for another place, and to stay there for a while, and then to move onward to a third place.

Buddha:
There was no chicken, no road, no crossing. There was only an interpretation.

Charles Darwin:
It was the next step after coming down from the trees.

Thomas Jefferson:
All hens are endowed by Nature and Nature's God with the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of the other side.

Confucius:
When the emperor performs the rites with full reverence, and the court officers behave as true scholars and gentlemen, a hen may cross any road in the kingdom safely.

Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain.

H.P. Lovecraft:
To escape the crawling horror lurking on this side of the road, a nameless and foetid monstrosity that cannot be conceived save in the dreams of madness.

Sid Vicious:
Cause I had the effin' bird pinned to my right nipple when I started chasin' Nancy across the effin' road wif my effin' switchblade.

Darth Vader:
She was seduced by the dark side of the road.

Raymond Chandler:
She had beady inhuman eyes like strange black jewels and the kind of feathers a bird of paradise might envy. I knew that if they made her a free-range chicken she'd grab the first opportunity and never look back.

Ronald Reagan:
I don't remember.

Weekly World News:
Nostradamus predicted chicken/Bigfoot horror!

Newt Gingrich:
The chicken choose to exercise individual initiative and not wait for a government-funded traffic light program.

Hannibal Lecter, M.D.:
I ate her liver. With fava beans. And a brandied cranberry sauce.

Plato:
Because it is in the nature of chickens, strictly defined in as much as they are chickens, to cross roads. Jacques Prevert:
I put the chicken on my head, and my military cap crossed the road...

Bill Gates:
To lead the other chickens across the Info Superhighway (NOT road) and into a world where there's a computer in every home. Its just where he wanted to go today.

Lao-tzu:
The chicken both crosses the road and not-crosses the road because that is the way of Tao.

The Great Gonzo of muppet fame:
Carmilla, come back!